We didn’t send the email Friday because the missus’ bike chain broke 15 miles out… and the markets were closed for Good Friday.
Lucky coincidence or bad omen? I genuinely don’t know, but it definitely felt like the universe was laughing.
Anyways — markets reopened, chaos resumed, and we’ve got the usual combo platter: labor data that looks “fine” until you read it, war updates that keep moving the goalposts, and a list that was honestly hard to cut down this week.
Economic News
1️⃣ March ADP: same old same old (healthcare or bust)
The March ADP report dropped today and honestly… it was a same old same old report.
- +62,000 private payroll jobs added in March (4,000 less than February)
- Education and Health Care: +58,000 jobs
- Trade / transportation / utilities: -58,000 jobs
- Manufacturing: -11,000 jobs (yes, the “golden age” of manufacturing growth is here… apparently)
As has been the case for months now: without health care, the labor market would be toast.
The “trends” aren’t trends anymore — they’re the new labor market:
- service jobs are here
- goods jobs are yucky
- small business is dominating hiring
- medium and large business is contracting
If one of these factors changes (especially healthcare), the labor market is in deep doodoo.
2️⃣ War update: “almost over” for the 6th time
Agent Orange is out here trying to reassure us all that the “not a war” war — now going on over 5 weeks — is almost over.
Yeah… this regime has no clue what it’s doing.
One day we’re fighting for the Strait of Hormuz, the next we don’t care if Iran does what it wants. And the war has been “2–3 weeks from completion” since the start five weeks ago, so hearing the same “2–3 weeks” line over and over and over doesn’t exactly make markets feel warm and fuzzy.
Stay tuned…
Top 10 IINvestments Going Ex-Dividend Next Week
Quick preface (again): prices are cra-cra right now. I compiled this as close to email time as I could, but the “not a war” war is wrecking havoc on prices. Verify before you buy.
This list should be interesting. That’s all I’ll say.
TIGO
International telecom that reported record 2025 financials (Latin America expansion + infrastructure deals helped).
- Revenue +2% YoY to $5.82B
- Net income +420% YoY to $1.32B
- FCF +18% to $916M
The bad news: price target is $74–$75, so it’s overvalued right now.
BUT: special dividend + normal dividend hit the same day, meaning the payout is $2, not $0.75.
Two schools of thought:
- wait for price to drop ~$2 (so you’re not overpaying)
- or overpay $1–$2 to get the compounding machine rolling
I would wait. Special dividends have happened before (2011/2012), so it’s not like this is the last train ever.
GIS
General Mills. Been getting crushed — down over 60%. So before buying, you’ve got to know why.
Perfect storm of ca-ca:
- Ozempic effect: grocery bills down 6%–11% in packaged food categories
- high prices pushed people from GIS brands to private labels (Walmart/Target, etc.)
- higher debt because competing for shelf space costs money
- earnings tanked, payout ratio blew out
- market is worried the dividend gets slashed
Even with all of that, I don’t see GIS falling much further. Betty Crocker, Cheerios, Pillsbury… they aren’t going anywhere.
VZ
No intro needed.
- 22-year dividend growth streak
Only reason it’s this low on the list is valuation: P/E vs peers and vs its own history looks a little rich. Not outrageous, but rich.
Price target crowd says $52 vs current $49.
My data (growth rates, payout ratios, ROE, P/E, EPS) says VZ is about 10% undervalued.
So… who do you believe? P/E crowd or EPS crowd. Choose your fighter.
EAD / ERH / EIC (CEF corner)
These three are the CEFs this week with good valuations:
- EAD: corporate bond CEF
- ERH: utility bond CEF
- EIC: debt CEF
Financials and bonds have been getting smoked in 2026, so as contrarians it’s time to start loading up.
ERH being so undervalued surprised me enough that I double/triple checked it. Utilities have been crushing it, so 10% undervalued felt sus… until you see part of the fund is in defensive utilities and part is in high-yield bonds. Then it makes sense.
- EAD and ERH grew their dividends this year
- EIC cut its dividend
I don’t mind a dividend cut when a CEF is 15%+ undervalued and still throwing off a 17% yield. Cut away playa.
BNS
Bank of Nova Scotia. Financials have gotten smashed in 2026 — and now BNS is in the buy zone.
BNS had a 1-year return of 49.75% from 04/01/2025 to 04/01/2026, which is WillyWonkaBonkers for a bank stock.
We’ve been watching it for years. It used to be a nice litmus test for regional banks in America… before the orange horse started smashing everything with his orange little hooves.
BNS crushed 2025: revenue, net income, EPS, margins, ROE. The real question: does that trajectory continue? I don’t know.
EPS is projected to grow 8%–10% for the next 3 years, and some “experts” are calling for 50% price appreciation by end of 2027.
RITM
mREIT trying to become an alternative asset manager C-corp. Knowing this upfront should prepare you for volatility.
Q4 2025 had a $422M swing in mortgage servicing rights, which dragged revenue/financials. Even with the 33% decline in net income because of MSRs:
- earnings for distribution +12%
- book value / NAV / AUM stayed remarkably consistent given how ugly MSRs were
A 10% yield while it transitions from REIT → C-corp feels like a fair tradeoff. Change spooks investors even when the company isn’t actually falling apart.
UPBD
This is one of those “you know it but you don’t know it” companies.
Think Rent-A-Center. Rent-to-own.
Revenue +9% YoY, EPS +8% YoY, free cash flow +260% YoY.
This company is rocking with its cock out because people can’t afford anything anymore, so rent-to-own becomes the default.
2026 projections look like a banger:
- revenue +5.3%
- EPS +8.8%
- FCF +11%
Share price should push into $20–$22, plus an almost 9% yield while waiting. Sounds groovy.
MAIN
MAIN needs no intro.
It’s back into the buy zone after BDCs got punished on private credit concerns.
- BDC sector is down 12% YTD
- 44 of 46 covered BDCs are red in 2026
That’s a fancy way of saying: BDCs are on sale and we’ll be buying more.
If you’re going to start anywhere, start with the best: MAIN. A ~6% yield on MAIN is super yummy, and it normally trades in the $52–$67 band. We’re now near the low end.
Time to load up.
Portfolio Updates
1️⃣ Retirement portfolio: March dividends = $1,634
March dividends in the retirement portfolio came in at $1,634, which is a $47 (2.9%) increase over December.
The names that paid less than December:
- LYB, THTA, SM, LFGY, YMAX, XYLD, JEPQ, AIPI
Why:
- LYB and THTA had dividend cuts
- SM (formerly CIVI) paid less — not worried
- LFGY and YMAX are variable (LFGY makes sense because crypto got crushed)
- YMAX is troubling: NAV decline, price under $8, dividend shrinking
- XYLD, JEPQ, AIPI are variable — not worried about these three right now
2️⃣ Vanning portfolio: March dividends = $2,631
Dividends totaled $2,631 in March.
We can’t compare March to December yet because the condo proceeds changed the whole base. Starting next month we can compare apples to apples.
Names that paid less than December:
- QQQI, JEPQ, FEPI, SM, AIPI
None of those worry me.
CWH suspended its dividend — not ideal, but not unexpected. CWH is the gift that keeps giving.
3️⃣ Income portfolio: March dividends = $1,917
March dividends totaled $1,917, below the $2,500 we were targeting.
YBTC and YMAX were awful. Combined, they paid $103 in March — about half of what they paid in December.
4️⃣ Retirement portfolio buys
This week cash in the retirement portfolio was dumped into THTA because I did not quite know what share prices were doing this week.
5️⃣ Vanning portfolio buys
Cash in the vanning portfolio went into XDTE, QDTE, and SBAR this week.
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