Markets were buzzing this week over the Fed’s Jackson Hole meeting—like it was going to be the Superbowl of monetary policy. Instead, we got a masterclass in linguistic gymnastics: words that sounded important but meant absolutely nothing.
Meanwhile, the “official” GDP numbers look suspiciously rosy, and this week’s ex-dividend list is straight-up trash panda. Don’t worry though—we’ve been busy stacking smart plays in the retirement and vanning portfolios, and we’ll show you where the real opportunities are hiding.
Economic News
1️⃣ Jackson Hole = Word Salad, Not Policy
The Fed met in Jackson Hole this week, and the markets got all hot and bothered—only to be left with… vague nonsense. Here’s a taste of the linguistic gymnastics:
“The labor market remains in good shape and the economy has shown resilience, but tariffs are causing risks that inflation could rise again.”
“Conditions allow us to proceed carefully as we consider changes to our policy stances.”
Translation: “We might cut rates… if the data lets us… maybe… sometime… don’t quote us.”
Naturally, the markets sprinted away with this as plural rate cuts starting in September. But really? It’s a whole lot of nothing. The good news: our portfolio (and hopefully yours too) is built to thrive whether rates stay steady or drop.
2️⃣ GDP Math: Cooking the Numbers with Tariffs
The Commerce Department (aka the regime’s data factory) says Q2 GDP jumped 3.3% after Q1’s -0.5%. Consumer spending rose 1.6% in Q2—but remember, if everything costs more, people have to spend more. No Shit Sherlock.
The kicker? Private investment cratered 13.8% quarter-over-quarter. That’s not just a wobble, that’s a faceplant. Next week we’ll get the fresh inflation “data,” which will almost certainly be painted rosy. At this point, data might not be an asset anymore.
Top 10 IINvestments Going Ex-Dividend Next Week
Well… they can’t all be winners. This week’s list? Straight monkey ass. 🐒🍑 But the data is the data.
We currently hold PEP, and none of the other nine. That said, one name worth mentioning is SLMBP—a $100 preferred from SLM that looks financially solid. Minimal risk of dividend suspension or cuts.
The rest? Trash panda chic:
- SSTK, OUT = media
- CWEN = renewable energy
- KMB = homewares
- AAT, D = energy plays
Our advice? Save your cash and wait for next week’s (hopefully) stronger batch.
Portfolio Updates
1️⃣ Retirement Portfolio
We added more TGT this week from accrued dividend cash. Earnings hammered this stock and dropped it into the clearance rack. Think of it like last year’s INTC—when we were pounding the table about loading up. Cheap today, better tomorrow.
2️⃣ Vanning Portfolio
Slow and steady, we’re expanding our PLTW empire—share by share. Building cash flow with extra cash.
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